Day Two

Am feeling that the recovery process is relatively easier this time. Maybe because I have rehearsed it with myself so many times. It’s funny actually. But what’s helping a lot is the finding back of myself. The rationale, thinking and logical being, that’s me. You were sucking my dry. My salary every month went to your transport, your food, your cravings, and most probably some of the things for your new boyfriend. In the three years with you, I have not only spent every single cent I earned, I have also eroded whatever savings I had before knowing you while I was working. If you take out everything in your life that I gave to you, in the belief that making your life better was part of my role as a lifelong companion (which you have not removed everything), I sure hope you can still cope. Reason it out, you are the most materialistic guy ever, shielded by inflated self-worth, because I made you feel important. Perhaps that’s what they mean by love is blind.

Now that I have set my goals for myself, and financial recovery being a key component, let me embark on a road to recovery, to a stronger, better self. But in the mean time, I hope my emotional spams will lessen. And the song that almost made me lose it today:

我是真的為你愛了 你是真的跟他走了

能給的我全都給了 我都捨得

除了讓你知道 我心如刀割

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